What do you call “a privileged place” where…
You and every one of the 540+ so-called le@ders have the right to speech but actually end up exercising it exactly at the same moment.
You are not expected to be qualified or competent at all; no need to pass any exams; nobody questions you. Why bother so much? You don’t even have to be literate at all. Period.
You remain the wisest, the happiest, the cleanest and the most comfortable law-abiding citizen even after gobbling up billions if not trillions of people’s money and still vociferously scream “zero-tolerance for corruption” while several ignorant fools who take just a few hundreds or thousands end up in jail.
Your criminal background is your primary and most cherished qualification. You belong to a unique and elite class as the restrictions that you cannot get passport etc are only for ordinary citizens.
Actually hooligans, thugs, gangsters and members of mafia are most welcome. There are plenty like you brimming with pride about their criminal accomplishments. The competition will be intense and you need to achieve more, if you are to be hailed a polit*cal veteran or a seasoned polit*cian.
You may be chosen or nominated if you happened to be a celebrity, a beauty queen, bollywood actor/actress (with or without brains) and not necessarily have any education, competence, intelligence, knowledge or skills whatsoever.
You have the Harvard, Stanford, Oxford-educated assistants (ostensibly designated as advisors) but still end up making stupidest policies based on your hunch and hunger to come back to power.
You remain united irrespective of the parties only to divide and rule the people by instigating differences in caste, reservation, money and power but NOT to promote harmony, growth, progress, ethnic tolerance and happiness.
You may NEVER NEED to
- attend the sessions, meetings or debate. Even if you are present, you may choose to go into trance or meditation (ignorant brats may misunderstand your deep thinking about only people and their welfare for sleeping… never mind!)
- contribute anything meaningfully to any discussions or debates
- put yourself under any appraisal but can revise your own salary 10x times as you wish
- bother about those who pay for even from your toilet tissue to stinking grand privileges not just for you but your entire extended families, specifically sons, son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, friends, followers and even the thugs, goondas, rowdies, dogs that are on your payroll.
You have the time frozen (say 1980s) that even price of a cup of your tea is still ONE RUPEE in your canteens because you are pathetically among the poorest in the country… (Don’t believe? check the prices with any chaiwala in the country when was the last decade he sold tea for 1 rupee)
You can live comfortably under Rs.26 a day (i.e. less than half a dollar US) and have 3 times stomach-filling meals a day while there is no place at all in the whole of the country where a thali meals is sold at Rs. 12.50. (Can’t believe? Me too. But it is what the stinking well-educated so-called think-tanks in pin-stripes claim and they MUST be trusted)
You make L@Ws but don’t have to really bother to follow them. For example,
- Noise pollution – you will be heard only if you are the loudest and you don’t need to make any sense of what you are yelling so much
- Physical / verbal abuse – Don’t worry about it but be careful if you wear dhoti or any dress that can be easily pulled off
- Public nuisance – Don’t bother at all about the thousands who are watching you on the TV and the best part is no one is going to punish you !!!
- Causing damage to public property – you are free to damage or set fire any property inside the great hall (chairs or tables) and also anything (incl. school buses, vehicles etc) anywhere in the country as a means of showing contempt and protest.
You may endorse yourself as the cleanest human (or ROBOT) and boast about your highest possible level of integrity while your colleagues right under your nose swindle billions and billions to stash the money in Swi$$ banks.
You may care a DAMN about the people but still hail