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Disclaimer: Not for the faint-hearted who cannot bear their CONSCIENCE questioning them. If anything in this post sounds RUDE or OFFENSIVE, it is purely INTENDED to be so. This post is NOT relevant to NON-INDIANS. All the CHARACTERS and INCIDENTS are NOT fictional.
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God… I am sick of matrimonial ads…
A newly-wed girl was murdered by her husband himself some years ago, in a gruesome incident in Bangalore. Both were software professionals.
Her father was shown on TV and the news reporters with all their heavenly wisdom asked how he was feeling. I still remember vividly the words he uttered repeatedly “would a software engineer ever do like this?” (ஒரு சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியர் இப்படி செய்வானா?) several times.
What?
I really felt pity for the dad who lost his only, beautiful and precious daughter but I wanted to ask him what did he actually mean by saying “would a software engineer ever do like this?” (ஒரு சாப்ட்வேர் இஞ்சினியர் இப்படி செய்வானா?).
Was he assuming that his son-in-law being a software professional, was a sage or saint and can never bound to get these kind of ghostly thinking ever even in the wildest of his dreams?
Why there had been (unfortunately, still continues to be) an unfounded craze or rage over software professionals? Is it because they used to land in good white-collar jobs and earn high pretty quickly than their counterparts in civil or mechanical streams?
Why do you perpetuate this malefic stratification and stereotyping?
Have you ever heard any idea about “Dignity of labour”?
GIRLS, if you are insisting this to your parents, why you do so? Is it because you are just crazy to go to USA, take a picture in front of the White House and post it in your FB the next second only to get depressed at not getting the number of likes as expected?
சட்டம் படிச்சாலும், சர்ஜரி படிச்சாலும், சாப்ட்வேரே படிச்சாலும்
சாப்பிட்டாத்தான் உயிர்வாழ முடியும் மக்களே…
Hence I am proud to say I studied agriculture in my bachelors and masters degrees. Many people I come across hardly have any idea about rural areas or villages (where their everyday food comes from !!!) and whenever I get a chance, I used to explain them that it is actually a good degree and it too can help one earn well. No offence !! I see all these as nothing but gross ignorance of these typically city-bred cocoon-type people with limited exposure to the vast world out there.
Again, this is not an attempt to disgrace or glorify any particular profession. It is an attempt to challenge the filthy thinking of stereotyping…
Can you understand one’s character from his educational degrees?
If so, why some of the most crooked, corrupt and cunning (of course, politicians) were and are those who are actually stinkingly well-educated?
Why am I really worried and can’t understand when I see the phrase “suitable bride” in the matrimonial posts?
What do you really mean? whether or not his degree, his work, his job title, earnings, Govt or private, profession etc suit your daughter?
When you seek a bridegroom, you often explicitly mention “fair, well educated, well-settled, India/Abroad, affluent, professional degree holder with handsome salary” but do you ever realize that one need not always be a studious with clean habits even though he graduates from Ivy League colleges?
What about character? uh… So you assume. Read the first line. Can you afford to? Can you see any relationship between one’s degree and his character?
It actually gets much worse and filthy. Just look at some of the matrimonial ads when you Google “matrimony, India” and you will find out how deeply entrenched is this dogma.
So how your son-in-law’s skin color, degree, handsomeness and/or Green card in USA can ensure your daughter would be alive leave alone the question of a peaceful married life?
Obviously, how can a girl’s beauty, skin tone or body odour, for God sake, help her entire family lead a good life?
Do you mean to say those who don’t have fair skins do not deserve a place in the world?
You guys are the real culprits behind creating the billions of dollars worth disgusting market for skin creams, whitening lotions and body sprays that depict women as ” just for pleasure stuff”.
So your DAUGHTER gets married to a man’s MATERIAL THINGS and not to him per se… RIGHT?
Why there are exclusive matrimonial sites for the rich, “the elite” and the affluent? So you make lucrative market segments for the the haves and the have-nots?
Do you imply that those who are not educated OR not earning well OR from cities OR not SW engineers/ doctors/ CAs etc will not have good character, will not suit and will not be able to give your daughters a happy, peaceful, contented life?
GO TO HELL….
So, you choose to accept the basic tenet that the individuals are defined and respected based purely on what they are doing (working, to be precise) as conditioned by the society around you? What about your own conscience, intelligence and wisdom?
Is this what you are teaching to your successive generations?
What does the society do or ever did to any of the aggrieved who lost their loved ones?
You are to be blamed. You are solely responsible for their dismal fate.
How many agree with me?
Musings of a small town boy... 
Very interesting and cutting blog. I can not begin to understand all the nuances it means for your culture. However, even for me, it is a cutting blog.
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Rightly said! Let me share this post
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As a hard-core software professional by education and experience for nearly 40 years I endorse your hard-hitting views, at least most part of it.
While it has provided jobs and living like the middle-east did for skilled labor and continues to earn fe for the country, it has also hurt other disciplines by sucking out best of the talent.
Also the Indian software industry and the workforce face a great challenge at this juncture of graduating up the value-chain from here. Not sure if we have woken up to it. Else these professionals who are success stories today will be burnt up before long with repetitive work. Some of these incidents, – early signs of more to come – could very well be due to frustration at the work-place.
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Appreciate for sharing your thoughts. Industry growth, ups and downs everything is understandable and indeed common for all the sectors. But why there was and is a “special status” for software professionals? As if no one else in the world is not worth being born if they live without a software degree. The entire blame goes to the ignorant parents of those guys and gals who, for no reason, take pride about their children slugging it out in the Silicon Valley.
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I fully agree with you.
My two son-in-laws – daughters married off 10 years ago – are not software professionals.
The ‘special status’ is obviously due to the dollar earning capacity, standard of living abroad, hassle-free living…all of which brings a prosperity in life otherwise impossible to achieve. Of course, it brings its own share of horror stories.
Obviously it also adversely impacts other professions by sucking away the talent.
This lopsided focus on IT is also because very little is happening. elsewhere unfortunately. The only other industry that is thriving locally is the entertainment industry. Can a middle-of-the-road electrical engineer employed in any co in India ever hope to travel abroad (that being the moksha in Indian psyche)?
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And I would humbly disagree with the statement that the software industry hurt other sectors by sucking the best of all.
Then why NASSCOM says only 10% of the software graduates are EMPLOYABLE??
Rather this could be the reflection of the so called perception of “superiority” over other degrees.
Thank you.
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Raghavan, you’ve nailed it! Big Time! I agree 110%!! I really hate the matrimonial sites, and the mechanical way they search for a “suitable bride” or “suitable groom”. It is the last place in this universe to find true love. I had to go through hell for the past 6 years in this matrimonial shit before I finally pulled the last straw and told off my parents that I will find on my own! Enough was enough! Where do these people even come from?! I’d rather remain single my entire life than marry one of the dipshits that wants a “suitable bride”.
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Landed on this site while searching about பொன்னியின் செல்வன் and this has turned out to be quite an interesting blog. Very well written article and had specially nailed the mindset of girl’s parents these days .
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