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Disclaimer: I am neither an American nor a Muslim and am not at all connected with whatever happens in the US.

I am just one among the billions of insignificant, nondescript, unidentifiable, ordinary and free-thinking people with common sense who are responsible “Global Citizens” and strongly believe in religious harmony, peace, mutual respect and human values. 

Hence, I couldn’t resist reflecting on one of the many “apparently wisest” statements from Trump.

He is going to deal with it hard, so hard that we wouldn’t want to hear it, ah?

Though I am neither as intelligent (as I admit) nor can match his IQ, which is one of the highest (as he claims), here are my UNSOLICITED humble two cents on how he can deal with the “total and complete shutdown” on Muslims entering USA. But he buys into his idea so much so that he starts to live as an example of his own ideologies.

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Its 2017. He wakes up to a nice, warm and sunny morning. But wonder he did not get his usual daily newspaper because last night he suspected that the paper it was printed and the ink might have come from a Muslim country. Hence he ordered to custom-print a newspaper that is totally and completely made from American-made paper and ink. So, he expects it to be delivered in a few years from now.

A bit disappointed, he sets out to make his favorite coffee and suddenly recalls his meeting last month with an economist who mentioned that at least two of the top 10 coffee producing countries are in Africa. So Trump thinks deeply, what if any of the laborers in the lush coffee estates who hand pick the beans happen to be Muslim? So, from that moment, he decides to have a self-imposed ban on coffee.

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Feeling hungry, he decides to grab some quick bites and drives his limo to the gas station. Wait a sec! What if the gasoline is made from crude oil from the Middle East? No way. So, he decides not to fill gas.

He then drives in at a McDonald’s outlet and orders his favorite French fries but quickly realizes what would happen if the oil that is used for frying happens to be palm oil. Of course, for he is supremely intelligent, he knows Malaysia & Indonesia together make over 85% of the global production of palm oil. What the hell? He then promptly cancels the order and decides to go back to his home and cook his own food with completely locally made ingredients (a Coca-Cola?)

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Then he thinks, he is now driving a limo which is one of the most “stinking” (and) expensive cars in the world. But he started fearing what if some auto parts could have been manufactured in a Muslim country that may turn into bombs in a flash. Oh, God! What a blunder? He just abandons the car on the roadside and walks back to home.

When approaching his extravagantly decorated huge mansion, he starts to admire his own taste for things that are best of the best in the world. Suddenly, something strikes in his mind that what if the steel bars and wood and timber might have come from any of the Muslim countries? Oh! No. Remember! Total and complete shutdown. So, he decides to demolish his own bungalow and do it with only American-made explosives and by employing a US company as a contractor.

He personifies the proverb “Money is not at all important but one’s beliefs are”.  For he is a principled man of his words, he leads by example in walking the talk. He actually doesn’t bother about losing billions of dollars of his revenue because he has already started shutting down all his businesses – golf courses, high-end hotels and everything – that are operating in the Middle East.

Well, he doesn’t bother to be out of cash because last evening he went to an ATM to withdraw some money but wondered has any of these bills be touched by a Muslim or Mexican ever.

While thinking about some of the recent mass shootings, he wants to make his own gun and bullets. So he decides to go to an iron ore mine in the US (is there one operating today?) and follow the whole process from refinery to manufacturing of his gun to make sure at any stage of the production no Muslim factory worker or raw materials from any of those countries is involved. Further, he decides to make his own phone because he suspects his phone’s parts may have been assembled by Muslim laborers.

Then, on one of the finest mornings (???) in world history, he gets elected as the President and the first Executive Order (of course, printed on his own hand-made ink and paper) he signs is:

  • to ban all the tourists with names that seem to be Muslim from entering the US and
  • ban all airlines (commercial, personal and military) entering the US that have traveled to any of the Muslim countries before.

He insists America Inc to close down all their businesses operating in any Muslim country and introduces huge tax concessions and incentives to encourage them to do so.

When the reporters asked about the gravely implications about the impact of such an order on the country’s economy, he responds with his charismatic intellect: Well, which one do you think is really important? Your security or economy?

After spewing fire first at Mexicans and then at Muslims, his next logical step is to ban any migrant from any country to do anything in the US. He is implementing his order with immediate and retrospective effect.

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So he orders to just burn all the scientific work of Albert Einstein, who was also a migrant once but unfortunately didn’t match Trump’s IQ level, which may be one of the highest in the world. But he feels sorry for the genius and prays to God (whichever he prefers) to console Einstein not to feel so stupid or insecure because it was not his fault.

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The next day he gets invited to a meeting of the leaders of the powerful nations in the world. When he is buttoning his $30000 suit, he suddenly realizes that the raw material – cotton – could have come from Bangladesh or India which house textile factories for most of the globally reputed apparel brands where the workers can be Muslims. OMG! What the heck ! So, he is left with no option but to wear broad-leaves, tree barks or banana sheath for his meeting.

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After all these, he gets so paranoid and depressed and gets admitted in the hospital. He wants a complete “traceability certification” for all the drugs and medical supplies to ensure these are not made in any Muslim country. Also, he wants the full bio-data of all the doctors and nurses who are going to treat him. He orders FBI to do a thorough background check. No Muslims strictly!!

Then, with his authority, he orders to build a huge wall of 120 miles height along the border to prevent winds blowing into the country that might have crossed Mexico or any Muslim countries.

Finally, he starts pondering on an interesting question from a stranger that he calls himself an American but he looks nowhere close to Native Americans. 

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That must have reminded him that he too, in true sense, is a migrant because many centuries ago his ancestors might have migrated to this great country of course, presumably not to rob the Native Americans of their jobs, lands and livelihoods. 

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So, he wonders what to do next?

If I were him, I seriously don’t know what to do.

For he is one among those that have “apparently highest” levels of IQ, am sure it would not be so difficult for him to figure out what to do next with himself.

PS: Its a shame that neither Trump nor his able, intelligent and sensible Campaign Manager can read this post since none of them has internet connectivity either at home or office because the entire under-the-ocean data cable network also connects other countries. He wanted a “total and complete shutdown” on even tiniest bit of data that might have crisscrossed any Muslim countries.

Would be grateful if someone please hand him this piece.

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